I haven’t written much in the last few months. My routine has been up and down because of changes that have happened in our life, and I have found it difficult to find time to sit down and think through a blog article. However, I remember that a year ago this journaling really helped me get through the loss of our son, Benjamin. He was still-born on Saturday, April 22, 2006. It’s hard to believe that it has almost a year has past. I can honestly say there is some fresh pain now just because the calendar says April. It seems that for 30 days I am going to be reminded of the pain in an “in your face” kind of way because everyday I will have to write April _____, 2007 on something.
I’m not sure how to deal with the present pain and with the memory of pain. Just a few days ago I was in a daze and Monica asked me what I was thinking about. I was thinking about Benjamin. My sadness is not so much about his actual death, but it is about what we are missing with him. He has been with Christ for a year now. What does he look like? What is he doing? What has he experience apart from his Mom and Dad over this past year? Who, in addition to Christ, has been caring for him? Does he know that he has brothers and a sister that ask about him often? Does he think about his Mom and Dad as often as we think of him? However, it was an odd time of the day and there was a lot going and because I didn’t want to cause her to crash in the middle of the day I didn’t let on as to what I considering. I’m not sure if that was a good thing, but I didn’t want to ruin her day (or anyone else’s for that matter) if she is having a good one.
So, I have decided to try to come back to this blog. It helped a year ago, maybe it will help now. Here’s my two-fold task: First, there are some unfinished articles on suffering that I need to write and publish here. Second, how does that Bible tells us to deal with the memories of those we love who have already died? And, what does Scripture say about us dealing with our memories? I hope to think through those questions.